Our previous Survey which was mailed separately to male and female members looked to ask some relevant questions regarding how better to select a gift for a member of the opposite sex while asking for some examples of personal gift disasters too!

Here are some of the many responses received together with an overview.

We asked the ladies "What constructive comments could you offer to help a man choose a more relevant gift?" and here's some of what you told us:

"Start thinking about choosing the gift more than 24 hours before the birthday/event!"
"Take a note of fragrance used - then buy other products in the same range"
"Listen when tips are given - sometimes we're subtle - sometimes we're not - but listen and take note of what we say."
"Make sure you know the right size to buy if you buy underwear - a size too small - you' ll have to take it back - a size too large - you'll have to take it back and apologise by buying something else to make up for the offence caused."
"Ask her best friend/look at what she already has, take an interest in what she wears inc makeup and perfume"
"Ask her what she thinks about [pair of gloves/g-string/magimix/teddy-bear] before you decide to give it!! Also, ask her mates their opinion too..."

It would appear that from the many responses we had, men simply don't think about what the Lady in their life would like before buying things. In many of the replies, the comments clearly suggested that a gift selected which shows that genuine care and thought had gone into its selection was generally far more appreciated.

We asked our male members "What constructive comments could you offer to help a woman choose a more relevant gift?" Here the answers were more direct and included suggestions for gifts as examples of what they would like including:

Booze, football / sports tickets, CD / Music vouchers, Books, Video's, smoking accessories and equipment to compliment their sports and / or hobbies.
Comments included "Ask me what I really want and listen to the answer - if you're not going to act on my answer then don't ask the question" and "I want things that are not necessaries but are personally selected for and specific to me". One brave chap even suggested that "it seems that since starting a family, all of our life has become a compromise so when I get a gift I want to be selfish and keep it all for me"

Looking at the replies and abbreviated comments from the men, it does seem that one should consider the purchase in a similar context to buying for a child - shirts and socks are out but frivolous, superficial and fun things designed to entertain those with a limited attention span seem to work. Men also seem to develop more personal interests and hobbies outside of the family unit and this should prove to be a useful place to research a suitable gift for him.

Elsewhere in our Gift's Survey we asked "What would you consider to be the major errors that men / women make when selecting gifts?" Here the answers are remarkably similar so we have combined them!

Ladies complained of Wrong sizes, Predictability - 'I like it - she must like it' and buying something that looks/smells good on the girl in the office who could be 10 years younger than she is. Similarly, several ladies said that buying slippers, dressing gowns, underwear was a mistake too - they will either be the ones he would like to see her in but that make her uncomfortable or they will be too practical that make her feel she is dowdy, with the suggestion that most women would prefer a bunch of flowers picked up on the way home with a cheque/money discreetly hidden inside. Men on the other hand thought that very often women don't ask or think about what they would really like. Some felt that there was almost a necessity to be practical during gift selection as if the item had to fulfil a personal requirement or need. "It's what they like, not what you like" said one chap from the West Midlands while another anonymous bloke said "Women always think of themselves first. What they like - we will like"

In summary, the results from this battle of the sexes makes it clear that to make sure your gift is relevant and well-received, you must first put some preparation and thought into the process first. Karen from Buckinghamshire summed it up nicely when she told us that "It is knowing that you have actually spent time thinking about it that counts."

Sometimes there are questions that one should never ask. Questions that however innocently intended, seem to light the blue touch-paper! We asked "What are the worst / most offensive / least relevant gifts that you have received?" Doh!

Men said:
A grossly oversized (in my opinion) knitted "willy warmer", An electric Drill sharpener, A camping Gaz Light (No Gas canister included), Underpants (nylon) with a daft cartoon of a sheep on the front, a life-sized Rupert the Bear, Monogrammed handkerchiefs with my initials in the wrong order, cuff-links when I never wear them, slippers, Dog chews (I don't have a dog) Music CD's for her favourite band, a suitcase, an Engagement Ring, Aftershave (low-budget brand was identified by Brian from East Anglia!) Saucepans.

When asked "What are the worst / most offensive / least relevant gifts that you have received?" the ladies told us:
Worst - definitely - a dartboard - yes I've no idea why either, Most offensive - packet of bic razors, Least relevant - Large format world atlas, a vacuum cleaner for my birthday! Something for the house - especially the kitchen, A Potty, Dressing gown (I already had 3) and nothing for my birthday, A teddy bear, by a boyfriend who for whatever reason was under the impression that I would appreciate a teddy-bear from him!!! Which I didn't!, Perfume that his ex-girlfriend used to wear, tickets to a Boxing Day football match (with him and his 7 daft mates!)

There were a lot more replies that had a more "adult" theme which we cannot publish here although despite the content and items listed, it does seem that one person's ideal gift is another persons nightmare. Think first about what the other person wants, ask them, discuss it with them or ask their friends & family. If you do ask the question, be sure to listen to the answer and act on it if at all possible to avoid conflict and disappointment.

Towards the end of our survey, you were asked for any other thoughts that you may have on this subject. Here is a sample of your replies:

"Sometimes its not how extravagant a gift is it is how its presented - if you can't wrap a present well - find someone who can - it makes a difference."

"It is not always necessary to buy an actual gift. Arrange to go out for the day to a museum, art gallery, drive around the Cotswolds with lunch at a pub. Surprise her with a weekend away. Often giving up your valuable time to be with her means more than money can buy."

"I Personally think that as long as thought has gone into any gift then men really cannot go wrong. Being spontaneous is nice who says gifts should be given just for birthdays, Xmas etc and sometimes it's the odd little gift that means the most."

"Men cannot really go wrong with flowers either most women like getting flowers"

And a final note from John who suggested women should "Think first, then ask, then think again, then buy something completely different"!

Here is Diverzion's guide to buying gifts to avoid your own local battle of the sexes.

· Think about what the gift is for and what you are trying to say in giving it
· Think about their hobbies/interests and buy something around that
· If buying lingerie buy something which you know she'll like as well as you
· If you usually send flowers be different perhaps send a bottle of champagne instead
· Think about their lifestyle if it's hectic think about a gift which might give them some time out e.g. day at health spa or a sports / hobby related gift.
· make a mental note when they mention something that has taken their fancy or caught their eye - thought, consideration and attention to detail are vital!

If you have a topic for conversation or something that you feel would make an interested topic for a future survey, please email your idea's to us at survey@diverzions.co.uk Our next questionnaire will be available soon and will focus on Christmas.